haze again

jus cum back from work.. outside is full of haze.. i almost get choked my e haze.. haix.. i jus saw ruiling when i cum back from work.. ruiling is my sec sch fren..long time nvr c her.. hmmm.alot of sec sch still thou tat i m still wif alvin (1st bf). actually we break up 4 almost 2 yrs le..they always asked y we break up. cos we haf been 2gether 4 almost 6 yrs.. haix.. i break up wif him cos he kept betrayin my love 4 him n my family objection n he cant give me e sense of security.. 4 these 6 yrs i haf been suffered alot of mental n physically torture.. nvr eat n slp well.. cant believe 6 yrs ago i jus only 40 kg n my waist line is only 22cm.. cannot imagine rite.. i myself also cant imagine.. haha.. thou he treat me v gd n dote me alot n pamper me.. even is not his fault he also said his fault.. watever i wan he will give me.. everybody said tat i haf been spoilt by him.. haix.. but e thing is his family background is very complicated.. he is a gd person mayb it is due 2 reality n family background tat make him lidat.. i was e only gal tat i dunno abt his bad deeds. n watever he do bad things or in deep shit i always e last 1 2 noe.. in his eyes he always thou tat i m stupid but he nvr expect me 2 noe tat he haf 4 gfs behind my back.. tis is wat my frens tell me n they saw it 2.. 4 me i m e type of gal who believe in wat i c n not wat i heard..n i noe tat even i asked him he will also not tell me e truth.. den in e end in yr 2002 he was jailed n his gfs all cum luk 4 me.. in e end i left him cos i dun wan him 2 b stuck between me n those gals.. those gals threatened 2 die.. even got 1 gal wan him 2 cal me tat he dun loved me anymore which is not e true.. can u imagine how i celebrated my 18th bday.. thou lot of frens celebrated wif me but i not happy.. i forced myself 2 b happy in front of them.. my heart really break when he said all these words.. he even cal me n wish me happy bday.. e day we break up i nvr smile ,eat n tok.. i almost turn mad.. almost 2 wks i was in my dreamland n kept drinkin.. stupid rite.. he got a police case cos of me.. dun wish 2 mention.. it true tat i let him down 1st cos of tat incident of police case.. 4 tat half of 2001 i really nvr smiled at all.. all my frens said tat i not as usual happy go lucky gal who always make ppl happy when they r upset.. they all hated him so much n wanted 2 revenge 4 me.. but i dun wan.. cos i believe tat god haf eyes.. tat time i almost cried every night.. cos of him i failed my O level n haf 2 retake.. in e end thanks 2 my frens i managed 2 b back 2 normal. but i nvr expected tat at e end of 2002 i saw him again.. he jus released from jail.. haix.. he wan me back again.. he regret tat he nvr treasure me.. haix.. mayb tat time i thou tat i still loved him n we r back again.. when we patch back i almost nervous breakdown cos i can forgive but i can nvr forget wat he done.. he said tat i haf changed den i told him it is cos of him tat i haf changed. he nvr expected me 2 go clubbin.. in e end he said he sometime wonder is he who bluff me or i bluff him.. den i replied him wat he tink.. he tink tat i was e 1 who bluff him.. it is true.. cos i haf bcum more smart.. haha.. he nvr expected me 2 bluff me.. in e end i still left him cos i tink tat i no longer luv him n he also cant changed.. so wat is e point.. he kept askin me not 2 leave him.. tis time i really make up my mind n he threaten me tat he will die if i leave him.. but he nvr expected me 2 b so heartless.. i told him even he dun jump down from e buildin , i will also push him down.. i dun like ppl 2 threaten me wif death.. he kept callin me but whenever he cal i will treat him very coldly.. recently his mum cal me tat he is back 2 jail again.. she thou tat i m still wif him.. den i told her tat it haf been 2 yrs tat i nvr meet him n i no longer luv him.. n tat idiot still tink tat i still luv him.. in e end i bluff him tat i m married le in order 2 make him give up.. i tired of all his nonsense. n i dun wish 2 c him again as it will bring me back all e bad memories.. e reason i dun wish 2 haf a bf is i m afraid tat my ex will b back n i afraid tat history will repeated.. tis wat e thai monk told me.. if i cant 4 get e past n let go everything i will nvr b happy n accept a new bf.. it is true.. i really indeed not happy.. as i no longer e same old me.. rui ling said tat i haf changed.. i haf bcum more stronger n independant but only 1 thing is i haf lose my laughter.. alot of frens said tat my life is like a drama.. i myself also cant believe.. n tis is jus only a summary.. onli my close frens noe my past n my ex story..

10:42 PM ·

havin a bad headache

haix.. me havin a bad headache.. jus wake up from a nightmare..haix. from young i haf been scared of snakes.. i afraid of snakes.. if i dream of snakes i will sure wake up wif sweats.. so scary.. sobs..
nvr slp well 4 past few days due to the haze.. last nite i haf a backache.. so painful.. so fast tmr is sat le.. left 2 more days sch will b reopen.. next fri i will b goin 2 thailand.. yipee.. can go thailand shoppin.. hee.. so happy..
hmmm.. me like 2 bleah at ppl.. dunno y.. haha.. even my cousin simon copy me nw.. tat old man is a copycat.. copy me n bleah at me.. haha.. y i cal him old man.. cos he is only 25 yrs old n yet he is actin like a old man.. he said he CMT which mean cannot make it.. haha.. he is so busy wif my project.. he do until he wan 2 vomit blood le.. old man mus take care.. u no longer young le.. i still waitin 4 u ,edmund n anthony 2 get married.. i wan 2 get hongbaos from u all 1st.. haha. but it seem like only edmund haf gf.. when is u n anthony turn.. haha.. next yr chinese new yr i will sure not celebrate cos all those aunties n uncles will sure asked when u wan 2 get married n all those sickenin questions.. n every yrs i been givin lot of excuses.. haha.. tat time i jus pushed it 2 my cousin.. haha.. bad rite.. lolx..
left 2 more mths 2 xmas, frens haf been askin me how i celebrate my xmas n who i will b celebratin wif.. stressed.. dunno who 2 celebrate wif.. hmmm.. wat shld i wear 4 my xmas.. haf 2 start thinkin of wat 2 buy 4 my frens xmas presents.. haha..

4:28 PM ·